I guess I am, in many ways trying to reach you, the sun ray who vanished from my life early in January 02, if I reckon correctly. You ought by now to know who you are. You are to this day the single individual who has had the greatest impact upon my life, and I know this demands an explanation. I am sitting in my room right now in silence, which is something I rarely do. You noticed a thing about me, which I have thought of often since then, and recognised as true. My inability to stand still, to do nothing. I am always working with something, usually several things at once. In order to reveal your importance to me, I shall have to draft my situation before I ended at the school. Or better, state that the school, that you, changed my perception of what friendship is. Ever since you vanished the first time, sometime in the autumn 01, I knew that you would inevitably disappear. When you left the school, I became a hole, I consciously let myself drift into oblivion, and stayed there for a few days. That, of course, was not until I fully perceived that you were inevitably gone. As I have said, I think I knew for quite a while, but I kept on shoving it away, denying it, saving myself from the truth for as long as possible, because it was unbearable. As I see it now, I believe that you fully and consciously intended to cut yourself off from anything that had to do with the school, perhaps with the exception of a single mutual friend, but I never learned whether or not the two of you stayed in touch. You told me directly, but even then, I refused believe it. They had told you that you could not be attached to too many people, that you needed to cut off these attachments. I refused to understand that I was one of those, even though I knew the moment you told me. I don't know if you'll ever read this, but I hope that if you do, you will understand.